Updated: Jan 10, 2019
I know, I know. Miss me with all of the cliches this time, ladies and gentlemen.
I already know what you're thinking: Being single is a blessing. I know that I can take this time to figure my life out and emotionally heal from a marriage that was so bad, I can't even think of a good enough word to describe it. I know that I can concentrate on my job, my dreams and my kids. I know that I don’t have to clean up anyone’s mess or worry about how I look before I go to bed. I know that I needed time to find out who I am, what I want and what is okay or off limits for me. I know that when it’s time, the right man will come along and sweep me off my feet.
I’m aware. I'm doing all that.
I also know that I would love to have a man to come home to and snuggle up with and kiss and have some sexy time. I know that it would be nice to have someone to split my rent with every month. I know that I would like "Good morning beautiful" wake up texts and "I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you" calls before bed. I know all of these things to be factual for me as well.
Why does not wanting to be in relationship have such bad reputation?
What’s wrong with wanting to get married and share bills and have lazy morning sex or tipsy, Friday night sex and funny float sessions after the kids go to bed or sharing bills?
Yup. I know I said that twice. That's because, for me, it's twice as important.
I’m just saying. People act like it’s a character flaw to want a relationship. I didn’t say that I was desperate for one or thirsty. I didn’t say that I was going out every other night, hanging out in bars and waiting for random men to buy me drinks. I want someone that is just for me. I don't have to share him with my kids or my job or anyone. Just some us time. Is that too much to ask?
All I said was that I think I'm ready for one. That I wanted one.
Sometimes knowing what you want is the hardest part.
When you have been in a series of bad relationships and have been single for a long time, you start to actually think about the things you want. You start noticing things about yourself that you didn’t pay attention to before, because you were so focused on your man. Or woman. Or both.
I don’t judge.
You see your own anger issues and codependency issues. You see traits that are in the inside of you that you don’t care for, so you make the decision to become the woman that you want to be. You actually start walking in the independent woman shoes that’s you’ve heard about your whole life. And when that happens, you kind of forget how much you liked being in a relationship. But now I've decided. I've thought about it and I've analyzed and I've written pro/con lists. I've made my requests known and I know that when the right man comes along, he'll look at me and say, "Damn. There she is." Because he's been looking for me just like I've been waiting for him.
I'm no fool. I know that relationships take work. I've spent the last six years observing my friends in their relationships and marriages, paying attention to whatever caught my attention and taking mental notes. So, when it's time, I probably still won't be ready. But I'll be able to make a decision with both my brain and my heart.
The bottom line is, there is nothing wrong with loving being single AND there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. One doesn’t have to be exclusive in this situation. You get a say in this situation just as much as you do in everything else in your life. Don't let anyone try to dictate what you want. It's your life. As my mom always says, “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind”.
And as Bobby Brown sang:
"It's my prerogative. I can do what I wanna do..."