Grand rising and happy Mondaying, everybody.
How you doing? Eating your greens? Taking your vitamins? Keeping your vibes high?
Good. Me too.
Soooo, I have officially been called your "friendly, neighborhood big girl blogger" quite a few times in the past couple of weeks, so I've decided to embrace it. I mean, why not? There aren't too many people in the world as cold as Damn It, Sam.
As you can see, I'm overcoming those self-confidence issues quite nicely.
Anywho, I read a post on IG Saturday and reposted it to my FB page but I wanted to talk about it today. These are a few screenshots of the tweets:
Yeah. That's a lot to take in. I know.
If you have never been the "fat friend", I can understand how you would find this post to be far fetched and maybe even hard to believe. But let me help you understand. Pretend for a moment that you are my friend, okay? It shouldn't be too hard, especially since I tell you my business a few times a week lol. We've hung out a lot, helped each other when we needed help, cried on each other's shoulders. We might have even had to fight for each other, but we didn't mind because that's how close we are. You know me, you love me, you want to see me happy, right?
So you found out that your man has a single friend and I'm single so... why not hook us up, right?
Wrong. Loud and wrong.
I have never been thin. Through the course of my life, I have always been the "big girl". It was a source of contention for my father who consistently told me that I needed to lose weight. I was the butt of a plethora of jokes in grade school and high school which caused me to close myself up in an introvert bubble and rarely venture out. I dated men who approached me and felt honored because someone wanted the big girl. I loved hard, loved wrong and took myself for granted for most of my life, feeling like I wasn't worthy of loving myself because of my weight, when all I wanted to do was be loved. Period.
But, I got against my better judgement and go out on a little double date with you because you're my friend. But, when I meet your man's friend, I can see the disappointment on his face because he didn't know I was fat, and clearly that's a problem for him. You and your man are walking along, enjoying the weather, while your man's friend treats me like I have some contagious disease or I'm so disgusting that he doens't even want to hold a conversation with me.
Do you catch what I'm throwing?
This is a real life situation. It has happened to me more than once! But after the second time, I started to bow out gracefully. I had one guy actually give me his business card because he was a personal trainer, and could help me with my "weight problem" becuase "I would be cute if I lost a few pounds".
Yup. You read that right.
I don't want your man's friend, Sis. I don't want to be hooked up, set up, introduced. If he doesn't come asking for me, don't try to hook me up. I don't want it. I'm good.
I wrote this because, as your friendly, neighborhood big girl blogger, I wanted to let my people know that our lives, our choices, our strengths or weaknesses, are no one's business but our own. We can do what we want go where we want and say what we want because that's our choice. , how I allowed myself to be someone's secret fetish or pity date, just so I wouldn't have to be alone? I felt like I had to get the best grades, wear certain clothes and even eat certain things around people because I didn't want to be singled out. And it's not like my draws are a circus tent or anything. I'm not on the waiting list to audition for My 600 Pound Life. I work out, drink water and mind my business like everybody else. I just have a little more cushion to love. But that's me, not you.
Self-love is hard enough. If you want to shade me, let it be because of my smart mouth. But my weight? Nah sis. I want a man but not bad enough to take what I can get.
I have a type. I like what I like, and I understand if I'm not what you like. But do me a favor:
You shouldn't want to put your friends in situations that might hurt them or set them back. And think twice before you try to shame someone for not being what you think they should be. You have no idea how long it has taken for them to accept themselves for who they are and love themselves unconditionally.
I didn't write this because I wanted your pity or for anyone to feel sorry for me. Hell nah.
I wrote this because, as your friendly, neighborhood big girl blogger, I wanted to let my people know that our lives, our choices, our strengths or weaknesses, are no one's business but our own. We can do what we want go where we want and say what we want becuase that's our choice.
If there is one thing that I have learned this year it's that I get to decide what type of life I want to live. I get a say in what I do, how I feel and what I allow in my space. No one's attitude, opinion or words define me. I stay in a good mood. Hell, I am a mood! All by my big girl blogging self.
You do not have to take any level of disrespect for the choices you make. You don't have to be anyone's second choice, fetish, secret or doormat. We all deserve the best love that we can imagine. You don’t need anyone’s permission to live your life. It’s yours and it’s the only one you get. might as well get to work on that living stuff, right?
You deserve the best. Of everything.
So give it all to yourself until somebody's handsome, white tooth, chocolate skinned, grown man son sees you and says "Damn. I gotta get to know her." I'm okay not being someone's cup of boring tea. Cuz one day, I'ma be somebody's splash of salt, shot of patron with a lime chaser. Believe that.
Now that's a whole damn mood...