Grand Rising, good people!
I hope that the weekend gave you much rest and relaxing. Or maybe your turnup was real. Either way, Happy Mondaying!
I had the most eye-opening weekend. I had a few conversations with a few guys. Some of them were unintentional and a couple were wayyy overdue but all of them taught me the same lesson. I do believe that I have found the answer to men's problems.
Yes! And I did it in one weekend.
Now, I don't know how many men read my blog other than my brother (Hey there, Bro!) but I'm gonna give their secret away. I'm not even sure that men know that this is their problem but, I figured it out. I broke the Brocode. I know the one thing that is keeping men from being their happiest best selves, and I'm gonna tell you. You ready???
Men don't have friends.
I know that they have the guys at work or the guys they play ball with on Saturday mornings. I know that they have barbers and brothers, family or fraternal. I know that some guys might even have female friends, but they don't spend much time with them. A few of you might even have homies that you grew up with and have known for years.
But you ain't got no "real" friends.
Some guys might even venture to say "my wife is my best friend". Awwww.... aren't you so cute. But you can't talk to your girl about your girl, so that doesn't count here.
The one thing that truly separates men from women is our relationships with the same sex. I was out with a guy a while ago and he was asking me about my day. I told him that me and a couple of my friends had met for lunch earlier that morning, then decided to go get pedicures. After that we went to the movies, then drinks. The look that he gave me was one of complete fascination. He said, "Man... y'all females a trip. I could never go out with my guy friends and just make an entire day of it. People would think we were gay." I thought about it and realized that he was right.
Not about the gay part but... yeah.
Do you know why Black women are so successful? Why we are having kids, starting businesses, getting degrees, buying home and going on girlfriend trips without men? Because we have other Black women as friends. Real relationships.
We hold each other accountable and tell each other when we are wrong. We celebrate each other's accomplishments, value loyalty and we've realized that we do a lot of things on our own, but we don't have to do everything alone. We can see the flaws in our interactions with our men because we have someone on the outside looking in that can tell us some things that we might be missing.
Because we have REAL friends.
Black women today are getting ahead at light speed. We are accomplishing things that 100 years ago would have never even been thought of. The "man's world" mentality is melting under the fire of Black women because we are lit! In every area; not just entertainment. Politics and government, veterans affairs, music, art, food, travel... There is no area in our culture that women are not entering and taking over. Because we support each other, help each other and understand each other. Not yes men. Men and their friends co-sign on each other’s BS and it is doing them a great disservice because they think that the are always right because their guys said didn‘t tell them any different.
And men don't have that because they think being too close to a man makes them gay, but that's what they think. No one else is thinking that. If I had a man, I would encourage his friendships with his guys. You need someone to vent to and some advice from someone that has been where you are. No one understands a Black man as much as other Black man. Y'all understand how each other think, as crazy as those though processes might be. Outside of your wife and mother, you need a support system. Someone to send your girl’s crazy texts to so they can tell you what she means or how to respond. Or someone to hang out with while your girl is with her girls.
The world is not kind and it gets lonely out here. There's nothing wrong with needing help every once in a while and men are strong enough to hold down their homes and help each other. Women to it all the time.
But you're worried about "looking gay". What does that even look like, exactly?
I guess that's a man thing too, huh???
What ever happened to brotherly love? Did it fall off after you decided to carry around all of that pride? I tell you about my girls all the time because they are super close to me. If they need something, I won't be so far away that I won't be at their sides to help, because I love them. I love my friends and I'm not gay.
See how easy that is?
If men would just stop worrying about whether they look gay or not and actually work together, I guarantee they wouldn't as stressed about their lives and it would also improve their communication skills. They would have someone to tow the line with them. I'm sure that would vastly improve their mood and I wouldn't have to keep cutting men off because they don't know how to act, and think that Damn It, Sam is supposed to listen to them complain about other women. But that's a story for another time.
Dude, just get you some friends, okay???
Win-Win situation for everybody right?