Well Grand Rising and Happy Mondaying to you, good people.
Your friendly, neighborhood #BigGirlBlogger has been absent for a couple of weeks but. I always come back.
Here I am!!!
So, without telling too much of my business, I recently became involved in a casual relationship with a friend of mine. And I use the term “casual” because we are not exclusively dating, but we are involved.
If you catch what I’m throwing...
Keep in mind that I have never actually “dated” in my young life. I had a relationship with my oldest daughter’s father and a relationship with my Starter Husband. Dasss it. The only things that I know about dating are usually from TV and movies or living vicariously through my friends And co-workers by listening to their stories. So when I recently decided to actively date, it is an inaugural experience. I have no previous know of how this stuff is supposed to go. I’m winging it.
Anyhoo, this new guy and I have been talking for a couple of months now and I honestly enjoy his company. He’s talkative without being annoying, he is knowledgeable about different forms of African religions and spirituality which has recently become and interest of mine. He’s taught me quite a few things and he covers several more of the basic requirements of my “Man List”.
And don’t judge me for having a list. You can’t have what you want if you don’t know what you want. But I’m digging him. And I told him so. And he informed me that the feeling was mutual.
*insert Cardi B tongue wagging here*
We has a conversation last night that gave me cause to pause, and I just wanted to go over the general details with someone so I can verify if my feelings about it are accurate or not.
Basically, he informed me that he was conversing with before he met me and, once realizing that he would rather not pursue anything further with him, he told her he was no longer interested. Now she was having a hard time letting go.
She’s stalking him. His words; not mine.
My initial reaction to this story when he first brought it up was disbelief. I can feel a person's energy change before they even speak so I ease back on my own. But stalking? Nah fam...
Why would somebody wanna stalk you? What did you do? What did you say? He gave me a brief explanation and changed the subject but my brain doesn’t work like that. I’ve seen enough episodes of Law & Order: SVU to recognize the trigger words when I hear them. But I forgot about it. I have Damn It, Sam things to do and not much time to get them all done so we don't see each other more than once or twice a week. A couple of weeks later, he told me that this woman apparently messed up his car and, last week, set his apartment door on fire.
Yup. you read that right.
I felt like this was more than enough information to ask some follow up questions. I told him “Either you’re not telling me the full truth about the reality of y’all’s relationship or she‘s crazy.”
He said “We never had a relationship. We only hung out a few times.” This statement resonated with me. I told him, “Just because you weren’t involved formally doesn’t mean you don’t have a relationship. Everyone you know is in some form of relationship with you, whether it’s romantic or not."
You have parent-child relationships, friendships, siblings and other family. Co-Workers, acquaintances, casual dating relationships, monogamous relationships, marriages. From your very first hello, you have some form of relationship. Sometimes they grow into more, and sometimes they don't. If you think about all of the people you know, they all fit into one compartment or another in your life. And they are all forms of relationships.
The trick is to be on the same page with the other participant to make sure the same goal is shared. Clearly, this woman was given some indication that she and my friend were involved, they just didn’t have an agreed upon involvement. He thought they were ending, she thought they were beginning. And, even if she is mentally unstable, her feelings are valid. I have no idea what he is going to do about this situation because it in none of my business. Casual relationship means we are not exclusively monogamous, so it is outside of the realm of my concern. Our relationships are separate and we came to an agreement.
Keep the crazies away from Damn It, Sam. I can’t fight because I’m too old to learn how and too cute to be bothered. Plus is have very small hands. Not good for rough-housing....
All these ships we have floating: romantic relationships, platonic relationships, friendships, co-worker relationships. Even the relationship that I have with the girl that cuts my hair. And I LOVE her (Hey, Jen!)
Bottom line is, clear communication is a mood.
Whether we acknowledge them or not, we have a plethora of relationships in our lives. How we manage this fleet of ships is super important. We have to know that we are all on the same page, especially when the heart is involved. Romantic relationships are delicate because there are feelings and emotions and body parts involved. After a while, soul ties are developed and that's when things get real interesting. But the communication has to remain strong and constant so that all involved know that we are either growing together or need to move apart. Healthy, effective communication can mean the difference between a peaceful breakup, or a stalker. And that shipwreck could be very expensive and time consuming to clean up.
Keep your ships in order please. It can mean the difference between a small collison and the Titanic...