Grand Rising, good people.
I believe that I have sufficiently avoided the breakdown that was on the horizon yesterday. Thank God. And since I do my best thinking in a steaming hot shower, this morning, a scripture popped into my head.
I know. And if I’m being truthful, it wasn’t the entire scripture, but it was a A BIBLE scripture nonetheless. Crazy right? Anyway:
...”choose this day whom you will serve...”
Yup. That’s it.
And yes, o realize that the context of what was going on at the time was totally different and yes, there is a lot more to the actual verse. but I’m taking that part and leaving the rest alone. At least for now.
Its no secret that my daughter passed away and it’s not secret that I am struggling to proceed with my life since her energy left her body. I’m dealing though. Sometimes well; sometimes not so well. The past several weeks have taught me a couple of lessons that stood out in my shower/staff meeting:
1. God has given me strength beyond measure.
2. Life is rough.
3. I get to decide what I want.
They may seem to be all over the place but I promise they all tie together.
Nothing in life can prepare you for losing a loved one. Divorce, repossession, eviction, episiotomies... I have lived through them all and they all hurt like hell. I’m so much stronger because of them, but there is no pain that can prepare your heart for the loss of a child. No soothing words, greeting cards or text messages help me. My everything hurts.
Life in general is rough. I like to believe that we have bad moments so we can appreciate the good ones when they appear. If all moments were good, we could continue to take them for granted. But we have dark so the lift can shine through and guide us out.
And I get to decide what I want. I choose whether I'm gonna go right or left, up or down. I get to make the choice of whether I will be a slave to grief and pain, allowing it to overtake me, or if I will use it to strengthen my endurance even more.
Choose this day whether you will choose you or what is happening to you.
I have every right to fall. I realize that people are expecting me to. There may even be those that are wishing for me to. None of that matters. None of them matter. What matters today and to me is that I choose me. After every major life event, it takes time to get used to your new life. It’s like a snowglobe at someone shook; everything has to settle.
I choose to find light and seek it. I choose to be happy. That doesn’t mean I’m going to walk around in a bubble acting like nothing is wrong with me (Even though walking around in a bible sounds super cool). I choose to grow and learn and influence and encourage and... live. I choose life.
So you have a choice, my dear. We have reached the end of my rant and your fork in the road. I’m sure you have every reason to stop and fall where you stand. You’re tired and you can’t take anymore. I get it. But start with something easy: make a choice. Just choose. Start with that. You don’t have to move or do or make or stand. All you have to do is choose you. Choose what you want, what you need, what you desire, what gives you joy, what makes you laugh and smile, what gives you peace. I made a choice and so can you...
“To make every great dream come true, you must first dream great. And to make every dream great, you must first decide to dream. Asè.”