I have been getting boxes since February 25th.
I do not have a big project. I made t-shirts for friends and family to wear to the funeral last week but that was just a few boxes. A few like 3 or 4. Other than that, I was just buying stuff.
My anxiety has me hating malls but, who needs the mall when you can go to Amazon.com? Not only can I get whatever I might want and need, but there's free shipping, less tax and convenience all over the internet.
And Damn It, Sam has been taking full advantage of it.
It's not like I'm buying tchotchkes or weird things like lace doilies and disturbing looking dolls to sit in inappropriate places all over my house. Not that those are weird; just not my taste. I'm not staying up at all hours of the night watching QVC or HSN, calling in to talk to the hosts and tell them how much I love the item they're peddling. I don't have 5 sets of copper pans or Tupperware or Ginsu knives or sweaters with ducks all over them.
None of that.
I've bought some dresses and outfits to wear for my Chapter meetings. A few other outfits, shirts and jeans and stuff. Some clothes for the kids because summer will come eventually. Float paraphernalia. I restocked my vinyl bins because they had been empty for a while. I never buy anything for myself, and Stacey always got mad about it. "You never treat yourself, Mom. You do a lot. Buy yourself something." I always felt kinda guilty spending money on my when I have 5 babies that I have to provide for, so I always talked myself out of it.
But retail therapy is a real life thing.
Me, my brother and the boy best friend went to Wal-Mart the other day and, while they stood in the menswear department arguing about whether underwear is a necessity, I picked up things to buy. A pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a hoodie, some underwear (because there is no doubt in my mind that I need them). Edge control, bobby pins. Things that I need but didn't really need but spending money helps me feel better.
Being the mother of a child that passed away is new territory for me. I don't really know what to do or what not to do, so I'm doing what I know how to do, and that's spend money.
I am proud of the fact that I have not bought anything full price and I've been researching and applying coupon codes so I think I'm doing good. Does it make me feel better about losing my Chief? Absolutely not! But it does feel good. Not really sure why, but it does...