I have become quite proficient in the act known as a "Mic Drop".
Let me explain...
Growing up with a combination of low self-esteem and strict parents left me at a disadvantage: I am a reformed people pleaser. I can look back at the bad decisions of my lifetime and see a pattern of who I was trying to please and why. I wanted to make my parents proud but it seemed as though my achievements were never praise-worthy, so I looked to others for approval.
Poor fool that I was...
As I got older and discovered boys, I wanted their attention. Then, when I got to high school and wanted friends, I wanted their attention. Then, well into my 20s, I fell in love (hard) and I wanted his attention. So I did things and said things and wore things and went places and acted like someone that I thought these people wanted me to be. And when they left (because they all did leave), I was left confused.
Didn't I do everything they wanted me to? Didn't I say what they liked? Wasn't I enough.
I was enough. As a matter of fact, I was more than enough. But you will always seem insufficient to the wrong people.
Now that I'm pushing 40, my fall back game is a force to be reckoned with. I'm like Harry Potter with his Invisibility cloak. I'll disappear at the drop of a hat. And I make no apologies for it.
Energy changes? Exit stage Sam.
Attitude sometimey? Ghost Sam.
Words don't match actions? Silence of Sam.
Do you know why? Because Sam now knows how valuable she is.
I know my worth.
Once I got tired of being used up and tossed away, I dusted myself off and kicked rocks. I don't mind being alone because, when I am, I am in the best of company. I enjoy the company of my own self. I'm lit on a daily basis and, even on my worst day, there is no one else I would rather wake up to every morning.
Of course I love my friends and of course, I would love the company of a handsome, Black man. But I'm not buying into the idea that a woman needs a man. As long as I have oxygen, my bed, an Amazon account and a debit card, I'm good. And I don't believe in needing friends either. As much as I love my 2 Piece Spicy and my Sister BF I have all that I need. Quality is so much better than quantity. I remember waking up in the morning to 20 text messages and 10 missed calls. Now my phone is dry and I couldn't be happier. Because those people didn't want me; they only wanted what I did for them. And when I stopped they missed it. But it was too late. I woke up.
And you might need to wake up too.
It's not that I don't love people and I don't want to have successful relationships. It's just that I now understand that in order to have a successful relationship, both parties involved want the relationship. There is a mutual understanding. There is equality. There is respect. From both sides. A one sided relationship isn't a relationships.
It's a migraine.
So I made a decision and I'm good with it. I don't have to explain anything. I don't answer to anyone. I don't beg anybody for anything. Just call me Randy Watson. Because once I drop the mic, it's dead.