Single Mommy Problems...

Why are people so offended by that?

When did the term “single parent” develop such a negative connotation? It’s not a lie: I’m single. I’m a parent. Single Parent.

See how that works?

Apparently it gives some people the impression that my children‘s father is a deadbeat. I’m not verifying nor denying that fact because it not relevant here. I don’t understand how a woman declaring her marital status can cause anyone to have ill feelings.

Unless of someone has a guilty conscience...

The approach of Father’s Day always causes me to pause because there are some women in the world that believe they should be honored because they “are both their child’s mother and father.”

Their words; not mine.

And if that’s how you feel, you’re entitled to your opinion. Just like I’m entitled to believing that you’re wrong.

I am mother to 6 people. So I pushed 5 of them out and changed their diapers. I help with homework and organize laundry. I kiss boo boos and clean scrapes. I cook dinner and read bedtime stories. I have completed several science projects just hours before they are due. I braid hair and change bed linens. I organize schedules, pick up and drop off, wipe tears and hold hands. And I do that all as a mom.

Does that make me better than their father? NOPE. It’s just a different role.

If 2 consenting adults have a child and they decide that they are no longer compatible and want to separate, for whatever reason, your level of parenting has nothing to do with your relationship status.

In other words, just because y’all aren’t together doesn’t mean you no longer to be financially, emotionally and generally responsible for your child.

But presently, it seems as though parents are more interested in how they are perceived than what they are doing. I couldn’t care less what my ex-husband does at any given moment on any given day. I don’t care about his employment status or his dating habits. I don’t care who you’ve seen him with, when, where or why. My concern is 100% focused on my children.

I want to make sure they’re happy. Are they eating and sleeping well? Are they bathing properly and getting good grades? How are their emotions? Do they need to talk? Maybe they just need a hug. Do they have clean underwear?

These are the questions that I concern myself with.

Even when my kids are spending time with their dad, I don’t ask a lot of questions. I don’t want to know where he took you or who was there. If my children start to give me the rundown of their dad’s life, I make a point of telling them directly: “You don’t have to tell me that. I only care about you.”

And it’s true.

My kids are not responsible for the failure of my marriage, so I do everything within my power not to include them in our differences. Settlements are for divorce court and, even then, you have to take a parenting class to learn how to help your children understand this drastic change in their lives.

is it possible that you have a problem with your ex declaring their single parent status because you have a problem with the way your relationship ended?

So what.

Your feelings are no good here, sir. Put your emotions back in your pocket, Sis. I’m not interested in feelings. I’m interested in results and reasons. You are a single parent too. Does that help you feel better? No???

Then there is another issue there. Sorry to be the one to tell you.

My kids are not my way of “getting back at my ex”. They aren’t pawns in a chess game. They are people that will soon grow up and be members of society. I don’t want my babies laying on a therapist’s couch, crying because their parents couldn’t get it together.

I am a single mother. My ex-husband is a single father. We are in the midst of finding our way to co-parenting our children in a healthy manner. I’m not interested in his personal life and I hope he is not interested in mine. It’s not important.

What is of critical importance is the overall health and development of my children. I would never want them to feel like they have to choose between me and their dad. They always have both of us, whether they want to or not. Yes, we have disagreements and no, we don’t always handle them the best way. But we are both dedicated to the babies we made together. Co-parenting is not a competition between 2 separate homes; it’s a collaboration of 2 parents doing what is best for their child.

And that, my friends, is adulting at it’s finest...

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