So... you call yourself an Introvert...

What does that mean though, being an introvert?

Does it mean that I'm scared to go outside? Does it mean that I am afraid to talk to people that I don't know? Does it mean I'm crazy?

Um... Possibly.

I might be a little crazy, but I like to call it unique. I'm a different type of Sam.

Definition of introvert

noun in·​tro·​vert | \ ˈin-trə-ˌvərt \

(Entry 1 of 2)

1 : one whose personality is characterized by introversion

especially : a reserved or shy person who enjoys spending time alone

Do you see that? That last line? I enjoy spending time alone. That's it! I enjoy my own company. I love myself so much that I would rather spend time with me alone in my room than I would outside in the cold, cruel world.

Or something like that.

It’s amazing how when you get older, you can look back and see the patterns of your life and how everything weaves together to make the masterpiece that you are now.

I think I’ve always been an introvert. At least, for as long as I can remember. Growing up, brother was athletic and really into video games so he was always outside playing baseball in the vacant lot behind our house where a car wash used to be, or over his friends house who had a Super Nintendo with Mario Brothers games. My dad worked every day and my mom was busy being the best Stay at Home mom ever, so after school, it was just me.

And then I learned to read.

I read about kids my age that solved murder mysteries and ran successful businesses. I read about twin high schoolers who had boyfriends and cars in a city where it never rained. I read about a girl who climbed into a dresser and became a queen and books about what happened to Oz after Dorothy left.

When I got to high school, I read about a flyy girl from Philadelphia and how she fell in love one summer, and about friends who became lovers and a black man that fell in love with a white woman, which was news to me. I used my allowance to buy Word Up! magazine to find out where Immature was and what Jodeci was up to. My imagination began to consume me. It was so much easier than interacting with... people. People hurt my feelings. People called me fat and teased me about being chubby. People kicked me and ran away because they knew I wouldn’t chase them and couldn’t catch them. People were mean but the characters in my books weren’t. They became my friends. They were those closest to me and they helped me get through the horrors of puberty and the pain of high school. I would read anywhere and everywhere because it helped me to lock the real world out. I didn’t have to deal with rejection. Didn’t have to worry about the crushes that weren’t crushing back or the friends that smiled in my face and laughed behind my back.

Books were safe.

But, as I got older, I had a baby and had to start working. I found out that the real world was the best book ever! Except I didn’t have to use my imagination because everything was right in front of me. I still read a lot and I was still pretty shy, but I would come out of my rabbit hole and become a spectator. Then I started to participate.

Then the real drama started. And I think that the drama I’ve had made me realize that, those authors weren’t just writing stories; they were writing their perception of their lives. They were telling their own stories with names and places changed to protect the innocent. As well as the guilty. All of the books I’ve read... all of the stories I’ve immersed myself in... all of that was someone’s truth. Why shouldn’t I tell mine? So I did. And I will continue to. Because someone needs to know that being uniquely you is okay. Someone needs to see that the story can end better than it began. There’s life after the climax. So now, I choose to be an introvert. I go out and I come back in. Before, I think it was more like armor. My very own Sam sized invisibility cloak. I was protecting myself from pain. But as an adult, I realize that it’s okay to enjoy my own company. It’s okay to sit in my home, alone. And it's also okay to love being around others. It’s okay to have good friends but it’s also okay to be your own best friend. After all, you’re the only person that’s been with you since you were born and will be with you until you leave this realm. You’re all you’ve got. So you better learn how to enjoy yourself.

Never forget: You have a choice in who you decide to be. You have a choice in what you do, where you go and who you love. Life doesn't have to just happen to you.

You get to choose..

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