Sometimes you just need a good cry...
So, a few years ago, I put myself on tear punishment. I refused to cry. About anything.
It was a necessary fast, believe me.
I used to cry about everything. I used to say that I was just really sensitive and in touch with my emotions but then... It became a bit much.
I was really bad whenever I got mad. At the time, I found out my husband-at-the-time was unfaithful so we were separated and well on our way to divorce. It never failed. Whenever he called, the conversations would always end in Sam in tears, he would tell me I'm being a baby, me hanging up and taking to bed for hours.
Eventually, I began to annoy myself. I was being a baby, right? What grown woman cries all the time? I didn't take the time to try and figure out why I was always bursting into tears. I didn't care about the root of the problem. I didn't even care about a solution to the problem. I just wanted to stop crying.
So I did.
I refused to shed tears. I refused to give the Start Husband the satisfaction of seeing my eyes sweat. It was out of the question. I sucked that sh*t up and kept it moving.
Like a Boss.
But then, I noticed that I would get migraines. And I had heartburn. I would blow up and yell at the smallest irritations and situations. I would start with a slow simmer and be well on my way to a raging boil. That had to come to an end when I started hearing my heartbeat in my left ear and was having problems with my vision. Terrified, I went to the doctor and found out that I had high blood pressure.
I started studying myself and paying attention to my actions and emotions and realized that I had gone from oversharing them to bottling them up. It was effecting my health. I looked at my children and realized that, if I didn't make a change, I wouldn't be around to see them change. I didn't want that either.
So, I made a deal with myself. I would cry, ONLY if necessary. I had to let the tears out so I could see the things that I needed to see and hear the things that I needed to hear. When I decided to dry up, I cut off my outlet and that wasn't healthy. Crying wasn't immature or childish. It is the way that I release the pressure, kind of like a teapot.
Have you ever made tea with a stove top teapot? You fill it up with water, sit it on the fire and, after a while, the top would whistle and stem would come bursting from the spout like a volcano. Its the coolest thing ever. Lots of noise, lots of steam, release the pressure and make your tea.
You might cry. You might scream. You might float away, liquid or gas. You might stop at the gas station in the middle of the night and buy a 2 liter of Pepsi and a box of Oreos. Everyone has a process. Whatever you choose to do, you need to let some of that pressure out. Life is hard and it can get harder fast. It's so important to learn how to process and release.