I don't like nobody.
Oh... My bad. I forgot my manners.
Grand Rising and Happy Wednesdaying, you good-looking grown ups. I hope your week is going fabulously. Now...
Damn It, Sam don't like NOBODY.
I do have a circle of friends and loved ones tho. I’m not totally out of touch with the world. My friends don't like when I say I don’t like anyone, because they're my friends and I have to like the, right?
I have a very difficult time "peopling". Blame it on my introverted ways or my overactive empathic abilities but I aggressively shy away from being in the company of strangers on a regular basis. It's not because I don't find human beings interesting. Lord knows that our activities of daily life alone give me more than enough material for blogs 3 times a week. I can hardly write all of the ideas down, most days.
However, the fact that I love to observe mankind doesn't mean that I like to interact with them. I just like to watch them. Actively participating in the process is usually not part of the plan. I just sit back, don some super cute sunglasses so my shade is shaded, sit back and watch the hilarity unfold. It's almost instant gratification in most circumstances.
Life is a people microwave: add heat and watch it spin 'til it explodes.
Plus have you watched the news lately??? It used to just be that I couldn’t socialize but now it seems like I can’t even shop at Wal-Mart or go to church without incident. Mass shootings, ignorant police officers, petty caucasians, extremely intelligent alligators in neighborhood ponds, global warming, rising gas and food prices, not to mention a president that is setting an extremely racial tone in 2019. No one should be confused as to where my general mistrust originated. It seems that people can’t be trusted.
Anyway... Where was I?
Yeah. I don't like people in general.
Nothing personal, of course. Other than blaming the media, it’s mostly because I have always been a feeler of energy and, as sad as it is to say, most people just don't feel good. It's not always their fault, but the majority of the people that I have interacted with in recent years are emotional wrecks on the inside, but their energies don't lie. Between them being stressed or depressed, deceit, hatred, jealousy and overall bad vibes are a really, REALLY real epidemic that is plaguing society today and Damn It, Sam can't handle it. I am already dealing with my own pains, fears and insecurities. Going out into the world sometimes feels like a emotional kamikaze mission and I don't want to be bothered.
So I closed myself off in my bubble, only venturing out through social media and text message, or work which both fortunately and unfortunately is still a necessary thing in my life. At least until Tyler Perry or Ava DuVernay buy the right to my books (Any moment now would be great, btw). But it doesn't work out as well as you think it would.
The problem with putting yourself in a bubble is that it does the exact opposite of what I initially intended. I thought that I was just being an introvert but the fact of the matter is I was hiding from feeling things and I am starting to think that it has done more harm than good.
When things cause is pain, our natural reaction is to draw back. If you get to close to a hot pan in the oven, you will automatically snatch your hand away and make a mental note not to do it again. The same concept was for me and my dealings with the outside world. I had been hurt so many times by so many different people in so many different situations... it’s actually kind of crazy how many different people that I have experienced some form of pain from. And that pain started the snowballing of self-doubt, increasing low self-esteem and other figments of my imagination that were based on very real occurrences. I snatched myself back from so many different proverbial hot pans so many different times that I found myself being scared to try.
But now I honestly feel like a different person, and this particular Damn It, Sam doesn’t mind people so much anymore. I’ve met quite a few new ones and would even go so far as saying that I have found some likable qualities in a good number of them. I’m still very VERY leery about the energies of some and the attitudes of others, but I realize that it might just be time for me switch it up a bit.
I’m not saying that I’m up for a support groups or sharing circles. Not even sure I’m ready to go beyond my favorite sports bar on a Saturday night. But I am opening up to meeting new people a little more. And risks are everywhere, even in my home. I was taking a pizza out of the oven and got a nasty little burn on my hand.
wasnt quick enough with the snatch back that time.
New experiences are more enjoyable to me now. I am still very cautious about the company I keep, but I’m not hiding so much anymore. I popped my own bubble! Of course there is always a risk of being hurt, but the hurts of my past have contributed to the fabulousness that is talking to you right now. So you know what that tells me???
I’m only going to get more awesome...