Updated: Mar 23, 2019
Well Happy Thursdaying everyone!
And no, I don't think that a woman proposing to a man is the best decision she can make, but not in the way that you're probably thinking.
I'm all about feminism and girl power. I have a Black Girl Magic t-shirt. I am a proud Black woman, making her way downtown on her own. Single mothering, entrepreneuring, Sistering, daughtering, living. I'm doing pretty good in the world and I am the supportive friend that believes that everyone around me can do equally as well as me, if not exponentially better. I believe that all of us girls can do bigger than big things out here, and getting married is one of them.
But, I don't think you should propose to your man.
Let's say you are found by the best man that God could have ever sent to come find you. He's tall, dark chocolate, handsome. He has his own car, a career and home. Not necessarily a house but somewhere he can call home that isn't my address. You enjoy each other's company. He's mature and communicates well, but he also doesn't take himself too seriously. He has lived and learned but hasn't shifted into the old man tendencies as of yet. He has hopes and dreams, desires and plans to manifest. He understands obligations and we have amazing a lot in common while still maintaining confident levels of independence.
Wait. I just gave you my list. Whatever.
You love him, you're in love with him, you like him and you can honestly see yourself loving him for the rest of your life. You've talked about marriage and you have been making future plans together. You know that he loves you too and feels the same way about you. So propose to him, right?
But why? If you're ready and he's ready then it should be fine, right.
Listen to me closely. It won't make sense the first time you read it, but I promise, once you take feelings out of the equation, the sense it makes is perfect
Women take all of the risk in a marriage relationship.
What? We Do!
Traditionally, women change their last names once married. That mean, they leave their single identities behind and become the other half of their husband. They walk down the aisle with veils covering their faces, only to be uncovered by their man after making the promises in vows. Women are the bearer of the children, which means they are putting their own bodies and lives on the line to bear a seed her husband plants. They take care of, provide for and maintain families. Men are supposed to take the lead from the very beginning. They are the head of household even if its in name only. Heck, when you address an envelope to a married couple, it says Mr. & Mrs. James Suchandsuch. I know that times are changing and marriages are more partnership than dictatorship, but the truth is that women take all the risk.
Why should we do the proposing too?
I read an article once that stated that a man knows within the first three minutes of meeting a woman whether he can see himself married to her or not. The rest of the courtship is finding out of they are compatible and establishing love, because relationships are a decision. But he knew when he met you.
So if he knew back then, and he hasn't done anything to move you toward your goals of becoming engaged and getting married, either he's not ready yet, or you aren't the one. Either way, you proposing to him isn't gonna make him decide any sooner. Let the first risk be on him. Let him ask you. If and when he does, you have a whole 'nother level of risk to take soon enough. Like Beyoncé, said,